..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
