There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
