i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
