i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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