walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm both gender and math confused
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
