I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Bring me that man meat
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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