just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
