dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
