Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
