Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
