So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
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I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
so let's talk penis.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
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They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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