somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My underwear smells like fireworks.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
