You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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