dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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