Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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