cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
