none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
