He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I see more hoeing in ur future
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