Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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