I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
