You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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