his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy