things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
