She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize