quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
