so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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