True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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