What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
