How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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