Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
