You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
