Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I look better un-naked...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
