Even water is tasting like jack daniels
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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