I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
