i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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