My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Who died my cat blue again?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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