Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
