Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I didn't notice because vodka
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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