all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i barfeds in our rink
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
