My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
