I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Alive.
So much puke
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
