the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
