16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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