girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
