It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
