Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
