i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
