i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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