I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
