Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Im part way to drunk.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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