How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
