I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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