Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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