Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
