as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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