i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
