Small penises have feelings too.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
