omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
