I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We have started to decorate penises.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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