He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
