i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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