she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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